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would you like you if you met you?

January 19, 2012

give your power over to no onefight for what matters   •   find ways to cheat the system, just don’t cheat peopleremain skeptical forever   •    learn to really listen – the best conversations are not planned or scripted and are side by side not in front of the other   •   survive on a little just to prove you can do itstarve if you have to, far as long as you need to   •   know that all pain is temporary, this affects all of your decisionsdon’t take anything personally, ever   •   examine everything – your jealousy, your anger, your frustration and you’ll learn a lot about yourselfdon’t examine the mirror, vanity is incapable of depth(love)   •   Courage is a learned skill – get used to feeling stupid, it’s a sign of growth, learn something from everyone 

would you like you if you met you?  • learn how to swim
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A Karmatic Violation

January 18, 2012

I’m often told, “Only you Dan, that would only happen to you” – well, tonight I found myself saying the same exact same thing to myself.

I arrived home last night at 1AM.  Having not slept in my bed for 28 of the past 30 nights there was a great feeling of relief and anticipation as I walked up the stairs to my room.  I opened the door and was greeted by an odd blue flickering light …I muttered aloud “Oh what the hell”  directed at my own stupidity for having left my computer monitor on for so long –  Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.

My self-flagellation woke an unexpected young female sleeping in my bed.  Reciprocating my surprise, she sprung up..naked and profusely “Oh no, I’m sorry, Oh… I’m sorry I’m sorry, Oh crap,  I’m just  so..”

“Wha…. Huh….”  There were no words – The space was a mess, floor  littered with clothes, empty bottles and smell of wet dog – despite having a naked stranger in my room I felt shame for having left the place in such ruins.

Wait a minute, these are not my clothes – These are panties, bras, hairdryers, etc.

She was talking fast saying the same thing, “Oh I am so embarrassed, I am sorry, I am so sorry”.  I was in a daze, reacting far too casually,  I wheeled my luggage over into my closet, and began to remove and sort my dirty laundry from inside my the suitcases I actually heard myself say, “It’s OK, really….don’t worry about it”.

This was all so surreal, every where I looked I could recognize my things but they were out of place, and co-mingled with her shit – her shit was everywhere! So much of it!  WHO WAS SHE?

“HEY! so… WHAT’S GOING ON?”

She was now wearing a long shirt – MY LONG SHIRT, still apologizing and gradually introducing new information.  Her name was Bridgette, she is 24, and is my new housemate who moved in right as I was leaving “….remember you waved to me and said “Hey” that one time”:  and that she works at Trader Joe’s – where she gets a 10% employee discount, which we both agreed was a bit stingy.

Bridgette apparently asked where’s the guy with the Saab and since no one seemed to know where I went or when I might return so she took it upon herself to start watching Netflix in my room at night (because she didn’t have a TV), began sleeping in my bed, enjoyed a couple hot tubs (both solo and with friends, “I hope you don’t mind I had a couple of people over for New Years”), burned my soy candles to the nub and shaved her legs in my shower. However she had no idea why there might be an empty bottle of honey flavored Jack Daniels  in my shoe rack.

I was numb – not yet angry, not yet violated, perhaps a little bit disappointed as I began to realize that this was really happening – in a I’m going to have to clean this all up myself sort of way not in a swanky Penthouse Letters sort of way.

My thoughts as I drifted to sleep were empathetic.  I felt a kinship with women who come home early from a trip only to find a naked woman sleeping in their bed.

The bright side of this fiasco is that it brings closure to the great Netflix mystery.  Over the past couple of months each time I’ve logged in to Netflix there have been a glut of shitty movies showing up in my “Recently Watched List” for the life of me I could not remember watching three full seasons of That 70’s Show.

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Hegemony

January 14, 2012

I proudly admit to being politically agnostic, intentionally unaware of candidates, primary results and congressional stalemates – so right off the bat my opinion carries no weight (or maybe I’m a liberal or a socialist) however doesn’t it seem like drastically cutting the Pentagon’s budget might not be the worst idea?

Even if you don’t agree with the sentiment, at least you’ve learned a new word.

Hegemony is an indirect form of imperial dominance in which the hegemon (leader state) rules sub-ordinate states by the implied means of power rather than direct military force.

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Thisfunctional

January 10, 2012

A ten song thirty-eight minute, Carpe that fucking Diem, music mix

click to download

CLICK TO DOWNLOAD

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Can you see the real me?

January 7, 2012

I started this blog in 2008 as a means to update family and friends while I was away on tour – The audience was intimate and my writing was personal, embarrassingly so at times.

Chicken or the egg: Sometime in year two the content of the posts took on a persona (*85% true) and the audience doubled, tripled… People I’ve never met / people from other countries began to read, comment and subscribe – this proved to be both flattering and paralyzing.

In 2011 Chronicles of the Fall had hundreds of viewers per day, thousands per month – this extremely relative popularity (went to/messed with) my head. Now before I click “Publish” I stop to consider the content, consider the audience, consider the consequence – often times I end up saving and re-working drafts until I am so over myself that I end up deleting the entire thing.

If I were to be completely honest instead of just the usual 85%, I’d confess that the constant editing and self-censorship makes me feel like an aimless phoney.  This reflection provided inspiration for the following post.

Last night I checked into the Hyatt Place hotel – in the morning I found my room in the exact same condition as every other space that I occupy by myself for eight or more hours.  I refer to it as “signature sloppy” and this my friends is 100% true.

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People, this is good science!

January 7, 2012


Unless you are Harold or Maude or if you simply don’t mind being referred to as a “Fossil Fucker”, consider using this incredibly useful graph to answer the delicate “Do you think he/she is a bit too old/young for me to be dating” question.

 

Conveniently pre-sized to be used as your iPhone wallpaper

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but I’m doing it again

January 6, 2012
no more sleeping nest made of blankets (hold your pillow) – no more lights on when I get home (turn the TV on before you leave, there’ll be voices when you return) – And no, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m doing it again