Archive for June, 2011

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walkabout

June 28, 2011

Processing the deep beautiful melancholy of everything that’s happened on my motorized walkabout through the Southwest.

 

 

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The 3AM Exit Strategy Wake Up Call

June 26, 2011

If you’re lost in the wilderness  (as I was at 3AM one night last week) there really is no choice, no way to quit – you have to continue forward until you’re done.  Once safely on the trail I experienced a profound appreciation for the empowerment of exit strategies.

If you’re on the path to something you’re pretty sure you don’t want to be doing (job, marriage, etc) and your immediate survival does not depend on continuing forward until you’re done, may I suggest you stop immediately, because you are wasting your life.  You will die, no one will care, or even know about all the suffering you went through. The money you’ve accumulated will go to ungrateful descendants who never suffered and it will be be for nothing.

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Blood on Bodega

June 25, 2011

Today a “dog” died on Bodega Avenue

I was pedaling up Bodega when I spotted two skinny jeaned hipster types awkwardly fumbling for a tiny rodent sized creature.  I had my headphones on and did not hear any of the commotion but I did feel something wettish and toothy on my left foot.   This little rodent dog* had chased me, successfully, and was now nipping at my flip flopped foot.

I squeezed my brakes and he overran me, I swung to the outside with the intention of crossing.  He kept coming and I was not able to spin my head and check for traffic so I sped up and swung back to the inside. I must have been wearing him out because he took a wide turn, far too wide and right under the front wheel of a passing car, reducing it to a small furry maroon patch on Bodega Avenue.

* Turns out that the rodent dog was a bichon frise

 

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Fire Sale

June 25, 2011

If those who can’t do, teach, I’d be a “superbly proficient” educator.

FIRE SALE

 

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Probably not suppose to talk about this

June 24, 2011

Unsure if there is a statue of limitations on non-disclosure agreements, regardless this post will be about my time spent working with Aerosmith.

My first job out of college was with the band Aerosmith, technically my pay stub said “Vindaloo Music” a company created by the band to handle their personal affairs.   I was not very good at being a personal assistant, this was made clear by my  employer, Steven Tyler, who provided frequent unabashed “performance reviews”.  You’d think I would have learned some coping mechanisms but after two years of these “reviews” the only thing I developed was a speech impediment – to this day when I hear “Sweet Emotion” I begin to stutter and sweat.

In general people seem amused when I mention my former employer so I have dutifully honed a full catalog of humorous Steven Tyler horror stories.  Some of these stories are embellished, others never happened (at least not to me), they happened to past assistants – but they sounded so horrible, so plausible – It could have easily been me – especially since Steven hated me, I mean he really fucking hated me, he told everyone this, sometimes in my presence.

After two years of service I looked for a job which did not involve picking up dry cleaning, holding on to contra-band at security checkpoints or being told that a retarded monkey could do my job.

I was hired as the Event Manager at the Nassau Coliseum in NY.

Want to take a guess as to what my first event was?

an awkward moment, featured in a national magazine

This awkward photo was captured backstage and printed in Pollstar Magazine.  Can you not see the burning hate in his eyes for me?

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Decide not to get fooled again

June 22, 2011

If you had a computer, internet access and free time – what would you do? Guessing a lot of people do facebook, or maybe some porn – Personally I pretend to shop for shit that I have no intention of buying, mostly electronics.

I might have no idea who Katy Perry is but I can tell you just about every damn thing you want to know about the new line of Sony TV’s. I realize this is a strange online hobby considering that I don’t watch or own a television and I’m certainly not boning up for a job on the sales floor at BestBuy. (That back story may help to explain why I am so excited about discovering decide.com )

We’ve all felt singed at one point buying something for full price and seeing it deeply discounted a couple of weeks later.  The manufacturer and retail merchant actually need to “burn” the consumer towards the tail end of the products lifeline in order to stay profitable and continue upgrading their wares – that’s why new product release dates are almost never publicly announced.

If you want some leverage when purchasing a computer, camera or TV you absolutely should visit this decide.com first – this is why …true story.

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I typed “macbook air” and the site decide.com recommended to wait, going on to explain the reasons why, in this instance it was because there will be a new model released in less than a month.

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Kerouac wouldn’t, Cassady would

June 19, 2011

Jack Kerouac likely would not be caught up in the social media vampire craze, however Neal Cassady would be hip deep, dig.

Re-reading my beat collection this month and the hippos were boiled in their tanks.

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