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Hotel to Hometel in 3 easy steps

December 17, 2010

Step 1: The  Three B’s – Check for bed bugs, blood and bodily fluids (semen, etc) on the bedding.

Personally I use a black light UV wand which I never leave home without.  Odd and obsessive?  Perhaps I suppose since I clearly don’t hold my own sand and cheez-it crumb filled bedding to the same standards.

However if you had seen (or heard) ((or done)) the things I hear coming from the rooms next door you’d take a CSI approach as well.

Step 2:  Hide Sales, Marketing and Pointless Items– I am already in your hotel, you should be making me comfortable and STOP SELLING TO ME!

I take the $4 bottles of water. menus, mini pads of paper, tabletop advertisements, unwashed coffeemakers, paper hatted dirty glasses, ice buckets and phones and HIDE THEM!

Step 3: Passive Aggressive Practice I am not a pot smoker but ya never know when that could change plus I don’t have access to a bible at home.  Wait for it…. wait for it….  ever notice that bible pages are really thin sort of like rolling paper.  Use the opportunity to hone your skills.

Hey Gideons, I will make you a deal.  If you quit putting this damn thing in every room I promise to stop thinking of creative missuses for it.

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